During Saturday’s game, I discovered a little boy from another field tryingÂ to play with our team. Â His shirt was the same as ours and he had no idea he was on the wrong field. Â My teamÂ never noticed he was not on our team.
I started listÂ all the reasons why everyone needs to to coach a 5 year old/kindergarten soccer team.
- Games are stopped by the referee to tie someone’s shoe.
- Players leave the field during the game to run and hug their parents.
- Players chose to do cartwheels instead of chasing the ball.
- If the ball gets kicked out of bounds and ends up in the field next to your game, the whole game will change fields and attempt a goal while another game is playing simultaneously on that field.
- Instead of spreading out and passing as they learn in practice, the children all gather around the ball and play “bumble bee ball.”
- When two playersÂ areÂ told to scoot back some, they both scoot to the opposite side of the field, competing who can go further.
- When a player kicks a ball, they are as likely to jump up and down excitedly that they kicked the ball, as they are to try to get it to the goal.
- The players will ask at least 10 times during the game, “Is it okay to steal the ball?” Â After being told to only steal from the other team, they proceed to steal from their team members.
- Soccer is a full contact sport. Â Full body contact with the ground is required at least once during each game.
- Tantrums ensue when someone drinks “my” drink. Â Of course, players must run and get sympathy from parents.
- PlayersÂ think the goal is to play keep away from everyone else.
- Sharing the ball with team members is taboo because “it is fun to make a goal”.
- If all else fails, a player must fall to the ground and use his legs to trap the ball, because the goal is not to share.
- Players must tell coach each time someone steps on their toes or kicks their shin guards.
- Seated bench warmers are not allowed. Â Players sit on the ground, no matter how cold or wet it is.
- In the course of a stumble, players mustÂ exaggerate theÂ fall to the ground to demonstrate the sacrifice the playerÂ makes for the team and gain sympathy from parents.
- When players get bored, they beg for a chance to sit on the bench and be cheerleaders.
- Smiles or funny faces while kicking the ball is mandatory.
- Before making a goal, a player must dribble the ball to the goal,Â stop completely, do a little jig of excitement as they aim, then watch as the ball is stolen.
- When games are over, playersÂ ask if there are extra snacks to share with their mommas.
There are manyÂ more reasons to be coach. Â These are justÂ some examplesÂ that happened during this Saturday’s game. Â Unfortunately, we did not video tape this game as proof.